Querying And Popular Remakes

     So for those of you living under a rock those that are supposed to know more than the rest of us are making a remake of Carrie.

     If you’re looking for a post lambasting them for fucking up a Stephen King classic, don’t read any further. I’m not going there. The truth is I see movie remakes like I see popular musicians doing covers of songs. Some of them are good (The Smashing Pumpkins cover of “Landslide” or Social Distortions cover of “Death or Glory” for example) and some of them suck (Metallica’s cover of “Tuesday’s Gone” or Madonna’s cover of “American Pie”) but they’re an artist doing their interpretation of a classic. If artist, filmmakers, or even writers never did this you’d never see any new analysis of existing genres. So you have to take the amazing (MTV Unplugged in New York- Nirvana) with the shitty (The Spaghetti Incident?- Guns N Roses).

     But anyway, I was talking to my friend Jessie a while back and we were talking about the query process. What’s this got to do with the King classic you ask? Simple. I see my attempt at getting published as following the plot to Carrie.

     You’ve got me and my novel Blood on the Sidewalk. We are Carrie White. We’re the ugly duckling no one wants. We’re the outcast, the ones on the outside looking in. We’re the ones that might possibly have a really gnarly fucking power but we’re not quite sure yet and if we do how exactly to control said power (hence my lack of posts).

     Jessie is Sue Snell. When she gets into Madame Syntax mode she is the equivalent of a mean girl throwing tampons at B.O.T.S. gleefully for its ignorance. The reason I use Sue is while Madame Syntax enjoys chanting “plug it up”, Jessie… as a writer herself… is sympathetic to the horrendous evil that is the query process just as Sue felt bad about teasing Carrie and ends up trying to help her.

     Then there is the agent. The agents can and will fall into one of two categories:

Tommy Ross- One of these wonderful agents (and if an agent reads this I sure hope you fall into this category) is going to be the smiling idiot that takes Carrie/B.O.T.S. to the Prom. Hopefully the agent doesn’t end up being bashed over the head by a falling bucket.

Chris Hargensen- The rest of these agents will be the ones that dump pig blood on us. And no, obviously I won’t lock them in the gym and burn that mother fucker down.

If you find this weird, well you just got an idea of what I have to listen to in my head all the time. Hope you enjoyed the tour.

Carry on…